I have been in the full-time workforce since 22 and can admit that for the first 2 years of working, I was a bit feeble. If I was sick with a sore throat or just plain old sick of it, I’d take a personal day. My work ethic was there but my gumption wasn’t. It took a couple years to realize that hey, seasonal allergies are a thing and don’t require convalescence at home. Since that time, I have prided myself on my reliability and work ethic. I show up, do my work, try to be a resource to others, and go home with satisfaction in a job well done. Both at home and at work, I am someone who can be counted on.
The 7 years between children must have muddled my memories because I looked back fondly on the toddler years as a time of joy and discovery, getting to watch my baby discover and interact with her world. What I didn’t remember was the revolving door of mini plagues that would take each member of the household down, one by one, till we were all a shell of our former selves, covered in L’s snot (or worse).
Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash
Fast forward 7 years and little Dee has transitioned from in-home care to daycare. I figured by 2 and a half, she’d be ready for everything the real world had to throw her way, having had her monthly dose of crud last October through the following April. The transition has been bumpy to say the least. We know intellectually that this is a very normal transition period that all children go through, whether it is during toddlerhood or as they transition from home to Kindergarten. We have all been introduced to a larger array of germs and survived. I am happy to say we are getting along relatively well on this journey but there is an ever-present pressure. My primary and most important job is to be a reliable and nurturing mother who can be counted on to be there for my kids when they need me. I also want to be a responsible community member and not send my precious babies to school when they’re coughing or have a snotty nose (i.e. every day of their lives). But there is this delicate balancing act between Parenthood and being a reliable Employee. These babies have had some kind of cold, virus, ear infection, neck strain, etc 1-2 times a month for the last 6 months. Art and I try to alternate who is taking time to be home with sick kids so as not to impact any one person’s job performance but it can be overwhelming at times. And to keep our children out of daycare every time they have a cough or a snotty nose is to pay for daycare while being daycare, ad inifinitum.
I am lucky enough to have a supervisor who has young kids and as long as the work gets done, it doesn’t much matter when or where. Poor Art, however, is running out of PTO. We have no control over when our kids get sick beyond making sure they’re washing their hands, eating a balanced diet, and sleeping well. So what can we do to survive this period?
- Share the love- With our first, Art had no PTO so the responsibility of staying home with the kids was always mine. On the one hand, I was lucky to be able to take that time off and still receive a full paycheck. On the other, I don’t think management was thrilled with the frequent doctor’s appts. Spreading it out amongst both parents helps to alleviate the negative feelings associated with your kids’ germiness. Bonus points if there are other family members who are willing to help. We made the foolish decision to move several hours away from my closest relatives and didn’t think it was a big deal till we started with the sick kid phase. If I had it all to do again, I’d be 20 minutes or less from at least one grandparent who was willing to pitch in for babysitting and the odd sick day.
- Doctors’ notes for everything- This probably sounds excessive but I could probably make a novel with the amount of visit notes my 2 children have generated in the last 4 months. It helps have the documentation that you aren’t full of baloney every time you’ve needed time off to take someone to the pediatrician for the 400th seasonal illness. I don’t necessarily submit the notes, but I have them if I need them.
- Offer to make up time or work remotely. We’ve both had to have that dreaded conversation with supervisors that the kids are sick, we’ve got to take time off to care for them or take them for appts. I like to do a bad news, good news delivery. I am lucky enough to have the option of working remotely when the kids are sick and always meet deadlines and productivity. Art’s job is a little more structured but he tries to make up the hours as he can to minimize time lost and keep good a working relationship with his coworkers and supervisor.
- Realize that this too shall pass. L transitioned to kindergarten in August of 2020, which you will recognize as the hellish first year of Covid. We masked mandatorily for the first year and voluntarily for the next bit, probably a total or 1.5 or 2 years. Midway through 1st grade, we felt comfortable enough to let her go to school without a mask and the next 2 years were ROUGH. She was constantly sick with something or other. I feel like we are finally on the other side of that, she is doing great in school and misses time much less frequently. If we can Get Dee through this transition period, hopefully next year will be better, and each proceeding year will require less sick time to take care of sick babies. I am banking on this!
- Look at your options- I have pondered the self -employment route and have daydreamed with my husband of the opportunity to work on your own schedule and take time as needed for sick children, medical appts, and fun things like field trips/family days. While this isn’t in the cards currently, it is fun to think about. It is also liberating to know that we aren’t stuck anywhere and if things aren’t a good fit, we can always make moves to better our situation. For now, we both feel things are going well and we are meeting the needs of our family while also meeting the needs of work.
It can be hard to find balance in domestic and professional responsibilities, I am certain this is a shared experience of all parents and caretakers. We can only do what we can do and it is important to remember that our worth is not tied up in our productivity, of what people think of us, or on how often our kids get sick. We have value by being us. We can certainly bring value by doing good work and being reliable. But on the days your little one is barfing ainto your hair at 4am, please don’t feel bad as you text your boss (again) that you’ve got to stay home to take care of them. That’s part of the deal of parenthood and every parent has been through that stage. Hang in there, and for goodness sakes, wash your hands. Or you’re next.
Leave a Reply